Sometimes i wander if im the only person who can lose an entire day by being stuck in the past... Dreaming.. reflecting.. wishing on irreversable events. Crying sometimes.. over people who arent worth it, situations uncontrolable.. and wasting my tears on thing so lost my tears are irrelevant. So many things are so different than i expected. The other day I had a conversation with a friend about signs and how so many signs are out there but we dont know how to interpret them.. and often we are too busy to notice. What signs did i miss?..or even better... all those signs I saw.. how could i have been so wrong when some of them were so clear? What happened? Would i still be here if i did things differently? So many little things produced such big changes.. and such a big thing destroyed all the previous little changes. Are the signs i think im seeing now ever going to compare to the ones that let me down last time? Im so scared that come the end of the year.. my world will fall apart. Every year for 5 years.. come November im in bed crying. Im in bed crying my eyes out over my failed life, my lost friends, my lost loves..waiting for the New Year to come and a new start... but realistically i dont get out of bed till February. Will this be the first year in a long time that it will be ok?! It was meant to be ok this time last year and look what happened. Im living a different story and all those signs.. well, they came to nothing permanent at all.